Journalling Idea: Use dialogue to tackle self-doubt
Dear all
I am in the middle of migrating my Squarespace website from one version to another. This means creating everything from scratch. I knew it wouldn’t exactly be a quick job and this project has been on the back burner for a couple of years, but what I wasn’t prepared for was the the amount of self-doubt and angst that I am experiencing!
I was a freelance writer and editor for seven years before I set up my first web page in roughly 2012, so I know it isn’t everything, but still - the number of questions I have about this public persona of mine is large. I have different work roles that seem to continue to be in flux, but are connected and overlap, so I don’t want to pick one. I want my website, like this newsletter, to reflect all of what I can offer.
So I decided to write a dialogue between the parts of myself that would begin to allow the messages I want to share to become clear.
I have been using this format in a few articles recently (none published yet) to represent actual conversations with people, to allow different voices to come through, rather than me interpreting the conversation my way.
Here’s a dialogue between different parts of myself (the website workbook is one I downloaded from the internet to help me through but I got stuck on the first question!):
Critic Mel: You’re at it again, aren’t you?
Writer Mel: What?
Critic Mel: Reinventing yourself. Faffing around with a website. How many times have I told you no one’s looking at you?
Writer Mel: I know. But if I don’t try….now let me get on with it.
Website workbook: Who are you?
Critic Mel: What? No, sorry, what? What a ridiculous question.
Website workbook: Who are you? No need to worry if you don’t have the answer right now, something is better than nothing…
Critic Mel: You don’t need the workbook. Just listen to me. You could have written that workbook. Remember when you were going to do that for other people? Another one of your unfinished projects…Now that would be a good page for your website.
Writer Mel: To be fair, I never actually started that one. An idea. That’s what it was. Just an idea. Passing in the wind.
Critic Mel: Caught and written down.
Writer Mel: Yes, but that was when I thought I would help other people make websites.
Critic Mel: You still do that.
Writer Mel: Sometimes, yes. Thankfully, I can be choosy now. Websites are fiddly and you have to take people on a whole journey of thinking about who they are and what they want to share with the world.
Critic Mel: And you are not a designer.
Writer Mel: Yes, there is that.
Critic Mel: So there’s the answer to your question.
Writer Mel: What?
Critic Mel: Who are you? You are not a designer.
Writer Mel: I may not be a designer but I know what I like when I see it. And anyway, I’m a writer. That’s who I am.
Critic Mel: You know what’s coming from me now. The questions you dread at parties. What kinds of things do you write? Novels? Anything I’ve heard of?
[writer Mel winces and visibly shrinks]
Mentor Mel: I can’t stand by and listen to this. I know you haven’t asked my opinion yet. And I’ve no idea why that would be, as this seems to be a crucial job for me, but you know you can answer this question. All of the questions. You are kind, thoughtful and creative too.
Critic Mel: She can’t put that on her website.
Mentor Mel: Why on earth not?
Critic Mel: It’s so boring and says nothing.
Writer Mel: Shush, both of you. I can’t think straight. I’ll put all of the things – writer, researcher, facilitator. I’ve got to a stage when I want all of the parts of my work and myself represented.
Critic Mel: But it’s so muddly.
Writer Mel: Complex stories. Remember? This is the only way anything will change. When we start to realise that everyone has different parts to themselves. And that there is always another way to tell a story.
Critic Mel: You’ll never get any work that way. You have to tell them what to do. Sell them top tips. Five ways to write a novel. You know the sort of thing. You read copywriting webites for years.
Mentor Mel: There are no easy answers to this, my dear. Just put one foot in front of another. Show your process, one story at a time. One workshop at a time. When people find you, they stick with you.
Critic Mel: They’ll never find her in the first place unless she sorts out her SEO and her alt text. Also, you’re the one banging on about accessibility. Do the alt text, then the welcome messages, then the Google descriptions. It all counts.
Mentor Mel: Ignore him. Just tell Google you’re trying your best. That’s all anyone wants to know – that you’re doing your best.
Writing Prompt
You can use dialogue to write your way through any number of situations. Try dialoguing with people (past and present) - write both voices, trust what needs to be said, it doesn’t need to be true.
Other dialogue suggestions:
with a character as you develop their story
with the story as a whole
with emotions/feelings
with parts of your body or your body as a whole
with money
with any areas where you are stuck in your life.
Reading Suggestion
This book contains more suggestions on dialoguing and other journalling techniques:
Adams, Kathleen (1990) Journal to the Self: Twenty-Two Paths to Personal Growth, Warner Books.
I am using ‘roots’ as a guiding word for the next block of five creative writing workshops on Zoom or in Chequer Mead theatre in East Grinstead. It feels as if we could do with some grounding, connection with the earth, and solid structure at this strange time of change as we head into autumn. Making an appearance will be: rocks, story structure, ancestors, collage and soundscapes. I don’t like to give too much away because the element of surprise generates plenty of fun and creative ideas. But I have space in both groups if you’d like to join us.
Warm wishes
Until next time…
Mel